


Cabin in the woods

by Lost_in_thoughts



Series: One Shots/ Prompts [6]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 13:33:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6987124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_in_thoughts/pseuds/Lost_in_thoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens if Lambert and Vica get lost on a hike? Read and find out :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cabin in the woods

„It was YOUR stupid idea in the first place.“ Great. Simply great. Why did he never learn? Why had he indulged in the pup’s stupid plan to enter the widest and most complex forest in Redania? They’d spend half the day here, she had insisted on going further and further into the woods and now it was nearly dusk and he had no idea where they actually were.

“Stop whining.” Vica tried to tame her unruly hair, once again without any visible success. “You’re a witcher, why can’t you just find the right path out of the forest?”

“Right, I’m a witcher, not a guide.”

“Isn’t there any sign for a situation like this?”

“Unfortunately we weren’t taught a compass sign,” He grinned at her maliciously, “but I could use Axii to silence you.”

“Would be quite a boring trip then.” With a bugged sigh, she sprang a map from her bag and unfolded it. “So, we were at that well like half an hour ago,” she pointed at a mark on the parchment, “and judging by the altitude of the sun, we headed north since. With an estimated speed of three miles per hour, we should be around here.” She touched another point of the map.

Lambert looked at her. “Well, little Miss know-it-all, your ability to read maps and to calculate is truly impressing. The only error of your estimation is that we didn’t head straight north since you insisted on going to a goddamn clearing to make yourself a flower crown out of Balisse blossoms. Thus we also didn’t manage an average speed of three miles per hour.”

She grinned and adjusted said flower crown. “You’re actually paying attention to what I said? Amazing. Alright, taken our little trip to the clearing into account, we’re anywhere around here.” She adjusted her finger on the map a little.

“That is if this map is accurate. And given its state it’s probably older than Vesemir. And I won’t trust a map being well over 600 years old.”

“I can reassure you that it isn’t that old. First, I got it from the faculty and they use those maps for our expeditions, so they have to be somewhat correct. Second, 600 years ago they used different parchment. Mostly made of goat skin with another formula for the chalk to whiten it. Nowadays they usually take sheep skin. Better quality, there aren’t that many visible pores and the colour is more honey than dirty white.”

Lambert raised an eyebrow. “Fascinating how many irrelevant things you’re able to store in your funny brain. Anyway, is the quality of that map getting us anywhere?”

“Well, if you’ll lament any longer, we’ll have to sleep on the floor. And since none of us brought a bedroll this prospect doesn’t sound all too nicely.”After putting the map back in her bag, she took Lambert’s hand and dragged him farther along a narrow path. They walked for a while, silently, Lambert being busy with shooting annoyed glances at Vica.

“Y’know, Eskel once told me a story.”

“A good one?”

“No, his stories are usually boring, too many monsters, too little fucking.”

“I see your problem.”

“Anyway, once he raided a forest just like this one, hunting down a werewolf. He found it in a hut, killed it, dissected it. Inside it’s entrails he found a half-digested young girl.”

“So it was a good thing Eskel killed it before it could devour other young girls. That’s the moral of it?”

“Do I look like I care about morals? That’s just the thing that happens to nosy young girls. Maybe we’ll find a wolf as well.” He grinned sarcastically.

“And you’ll offer me as a sacrifice so that it shows you the way out of this forest? Don’t think a wolf ticks this way.”

Lambert shrugged. “Worth a shot.”

“No, it isn’t. Knowing you, you’d kill the wolf because he’d refuse your terms, leaving you as a damsel in distress.”

“I am no damsel in distress.”

“You surely behave like one. You’re complaining, shouting, grimacing, blaming the fortune for your bad luck. That’s exactly what a damsel in distress would do. If you’d invested just a fourth of your energy in using your brain, we could be home by now.”

He snorted, grabbing Vica’s hand and pulling her closer. “I guess I don’t need a wolf,” he groaned before he bit her neck teasingly, “I’ll just eat you myself.”

Indulging him for a moment, she laughed. “You have some really strange kinks.”

“And secretly you love every single one of them.” He growled into her ear.

She used her position to look over his shoulder. With a little giggle she pushed him aside.

“Look, there’s a hut over there. Maybe we’ll find your wolf in it.” Before she could run towards the old cabin, Lambert grabbed her by her waist, turned her around once again and gave her a disapproving look. “Pup, I know that you’re crazy. But what did I tell you about running head over heels into unknown territory? You could break your bones, or get yourself killed. Monsters are real, pup. Should’ve learned that by now.”

Her eyes were beaming. “You’re scared for me?” Her lips parted into a teasing smile.

“Bugger off,” he murmured.

“Lambert the indifferent is anxious. Where is your sarcastic “I don’t care for you”-attitude now?”

“Don’t press your luck, pup.” He tried an intimidating stare but her smile grew even wider. She fiddled with his jerkin, drawing circles on his chest with her fingers.

“There ARE emotions in you.”

“Yeah, downright annoyance for your stupid behavior. Running into a hut without guard? That proves my opinion about the lack of brain in girls,” sighing, he pulled her in for a kiss, “Now try to be quiet, stay behind me and don’t break any of your bones on the way while I’ll clear this hut.”

He drew his sword and focused on the surroundings. There was nothing suspicious on the way to the cabin. No traces on the path, no strange noises, no specific smell, nothing that indicated the presence of a monster. In front of the door he gave Vica a sign to wait. Carefully, fully concentrated, he entered, adjusting his pupils to the surrounding darkness. He sniffed. No indication of anything or anyone in here. It was dusty, but otherwise the hut seemed as if it had been left just recently. There was only one room, with a stony fireplace at one wall, cookware hanging from wooden shelves.  There also was a bed, looking old but stable. He also found a wooden chest, a wobbly table and two chairs. Well, better than sleeping outdoors. After inspecting the whole thing and making sure that there definitely weren’t any monsters, he called for Vica.

“Looks cozy, doesn’t it?”

“It’ll do for tonight.” He inspected the hearth. “Listen, I’ll go and grab some wood from outside to start a fire.”

Vica nodded. When he came back she had set the table. She had brought some cheese, bread, some of her delicious cookies and a bottle of wine to their trip. At least they wouldn’t have to go hungry.

He threw the wood into the fireplace and used the Igni sign to inflame it. He sat down on the chair next to her.

“It’s not much,” she waved at the food, “but better than nothing.”

“It’s alright.”

After their rather unusual dinner, Vica looked at him. “What are we going to do now?”

“You’ve done enough today. And not the slightest bit of it was of any use. So, I call it bedtime,” he grinned at her, “you’ll warm me and tell me another of those Elven stories, will you?”

She nodded. “You deserve another story, I guess.”


End file.
